Update: Halfway mark

DOCTOR updates:

I hit 20 weeks this past Sunday! Time feels like it is just flying by! I got to see our little boy for my anatomy scan the other day. It was so cool to see him moving around. I feel him from time to time which is the craziest, weirdest feeling and I absolutely LOVE it. The anatomy scan was so detailed and amazing. Ill include a picture of his arm/hand at the bottom (its so interesting to see all of the bones that have formed). Since I have PCOS and am insulin resistant, I was on Metformin until 12 weeks and they told me I could stop taking it. Therefore, due to all of that, I had to take my glucose test earlier than normal women. First off, the drink wasn’t that bad. I would never drink it for fun lol but it was just really thick and made my throat burn afterwards. The downside, you can’t have any water or anything at all after drinking it until they draw your blood in an hour. So I was really thirsty! Surprisingly, I PASSED! 🙂 I had a feeling a wouldn’t and would have to take the 3 hour test, but boy am I thankful I don’t have to do that! I did have to go ahead and schedule the rest of my appointments until around his due date, which honestly made me feel a little panicky lol I mean when you put it in that perspective, it’s going to come so fast and I feel like I don’t have enough time!

RANTS:

The biggest thing that I’ve come to terms with, is having people (other moms) give me unwanted advice on things that they should not have any say in! Even though I’m not a full parent yet, I’m confident that my son will be taken care of very well and will get all of the things he needs. I have a friend who keeps pushing her advice on me about breast feeding. I hate to say this, but she is not as educated as she thinks she is on the topic. She makes little stab comments about it from time to time ( for example, drops food on the floor at a store, gives it to her kid and says you can have this because your immune system is great since you’re breast fed) and that really annoys me. Not that it is any of her business, but through careful consideration/education, my husband and I have decided that formula feeding from birth is what is best for our family. We have our reasons which I don’t feel I even need to touch on because you all aren’t judgmental and pushy! Every one can parent how they choose, and I don’t care how someone chooses to feed their child, as long as they are getting fed, it shouldn’t matter! Its not my business. I just see posts from EXTREME breast feeding advocates and most of them are always talking crap about moms who “didn’t want to try to breast feed, I couldn’t live with myself if I did that..” So CRAZY people! Then you look at sites/blogs of formula feeding moms and they never talk about moms that breast feed. If anything, they are supportive of another mom’s choices and even advocate for their rights (such as being able to feed in public)! We, as women and moms, should all be supportive of each other regardless. Being a parent is a new learning experience and doesn’t need unwanted negativity associated with it over petty topics. WHY IS THIS EVEN A CONTROVERSIAL ISSUE!? End. Rant. Sorry I just had to get that off my chest! Until next time..

It’s a…

Today I’m 16 weeks! As every week goes by, I still tell myself that I can’ believe this is real! My doctor only does an ultrasound at 10 weeks and another one at 20 (anatomy scan). I, being the impatient person I am, found a place that does the 3D 4D ultrasounds and they can do gender determinations at 15 weeks! Well our ultrasound was very clear and obvious as to what our sweet baby is. And to be honest, it could explain a lot….

-I have had no morning sickness- blessed

-I crave anything SALTY…and I keep adding SALT 🙂 I normally hate it

I’ve read that old wives tales say less than 140 heart rate is a boy, and more than 140 is a girl….This wasn’t helpful for us because my baby has had heart rates all over the place!at 6 wks=117; @10 wks=167; @15 weeks= 151.

We ended up getting the ultrasound tech to put the gender in an envelope. We took it to my hair stylist and she dyed a piece of my hair without my husband or I being able to see. Took the towel off my head, and I couldn’t be happier to say it was BLUE! we are having a sweet little BOY and I can’t wait! God knew I needed a little boy in my life! 🙂

Happy New Year ladies!! This is going to be a wonderful year for all of us!

 

Update 1: Advice?

So we have reached our last week of the first trimester! Yay! I can honestly say this trimester was not bad at all for me. I hear its the hardest one for most, but I’m so thankful that I had NO morning sickness what so ever. My doctor gave me the okay and I FINALLY got to dye my HORRIFIC roots today, and boy do I feel so much better. Ever since I hit 12 weeks things have turned around a little. Since I found out I was pregnant, any drink I’d get at Starbucks..I’d HATE…it tasted so bad. And anyone that knows me knows I go to Starbucks everyday. So that was a little disappointing. But, for some reason at week 12 it all started to taste good again!

Thanksgiving was wonderful. We told our extended families that day! I wore a cute shirt that said there’s a little turkey in this oven. Seeing their reaction was so great. I feel like so far, that’s the best part of being pregnant is telling people and seeing a reaction. We also told all of Facebook finally with a wonderful picture depicting all of my medicine bottles from metformin and clomid, basically to show everyone that this baby took a LONG time to make! I’m so much happier now that every one knows, what a relief!

ADVICE NEEDED TIME: Our next appointment is in 2.5 weeks and I can’t wait to hear that heart beat! And I have an impatient confession… we haven’t told anyone, but there is a place here that does 3D and 4D ultrasounds, and apparently they can tell you the gender at 15 weeks…..We all know how impatient I am, so my husband and I are gonna try and find out at the end of this month right after Christmas. We’re pretty stoked! I’ll be happy with which ever gender, I just wanna be able to buy CLOTHES that aren’t gender neutral (yellow and gray) :). So, anyways we only want to tell our parents at first till my actual 20 week anatomy scan to confirm everything, but I had two possible ideas and I’d love some input from you ladies: 1. We were thinking of having our friend who is photographer and always takes pics for us, to take a picture of us doing the cliche pop the balloon with confetti and show our parents a “picture” we took….theyll have no idea because they don’t suspect the gender appointment till January. 2. My other option is, my hair stylist said that I could bring her an envelope with the gender in it, I have a small bright blonde piece in my hair currently and she can dye it pink or blue to surprise my husband and I , AND to show my family. The good thing about that is hair color isn’t out of the ordinary for me, they’ll think I just missed having fun hair lol. OR if you guys have any other ideas, I’m totally open to it and would love to hear!

Getting the results

It’s been awhile since I have been on here, which I told you all would happen. I woke up on cycle day 36 at 6:40am and took 3 pregnancy tests (1 cheapo, 1 digital, and 1 with lines). While I waited the 3 minutes for the results I sat and prayed. I knew whatever the outcome, if negative, that God would get me through this and provide me with patience. To my surprise I looked at all of the tests and every single one was POSITIVE. I didn’t have to imagine a line that was not there because they were there. I probably looked like a crazy person because I cried and laughed at the same time…then I took 2 more tests to double check what I was seeing. I’ll never forget the look on my husband’s face when i told him. I hadn’t called him all day and normally that means it didn’t work this cycle and I don’t want him to bring it up. He didn’t believe me when I told him!

I still honestly can’t believe that Clomid worked for us on the first try….I know it isn’t very likely! We are so grateful and lucky. We still are in complete shock and it seems so unreal because I feel like just yesterday I was talking to my husband about how things keep getting hard and not knowing if we will ever be parents. This is CRAZY! November 21st was our first appointment and our sweet baby is doing amazing! We got to see a heartbeat and it’s little arms moving around. Our baby is due on Father’s Day! I’m still in the this doesn’t feel real stage. I’m also one of the lucky ones that hasn’t gotten morning sickness at all! It’s been hard to keep this a secret for so long, but I had to be on the safe side. We tell our families this weekend 🙂

I want to thank all of you for all of your support during this time! As someone who has suffered from infertility for a year and a half I get the STRUGGLE. . I get how hard it is to diet and stay on top of taking Metformin for MONTHS and not seeing results. I just want you all to know that I’m here for all of you! If you need advice or just want to vent…I got you! You all were here when I needed friends to talk to, that could relate and I want to still be there for you! And I’ll be here when you all announce you are pregnant! I’ll still occasionally post my own things, but I’ll mostly be reading all of yall’s posts!

 

finally…clomid!

Of course when I complained about AF being super late she decided to appear yesterday! Who ever thought a girl would be excited about that! Now starts all the labs and tracking all over again. It was nice to have last month off from tracking anything before our endeavor on the Clomid journey. But I feel that after trying for a year and a half, knowing about my PCOS for 4 months now, being on metformin for 4/5 months already….We are FINALLY able to try Clomid this cycle and I want to be excited but then again I don’t. I’m supposed to start taking it Saturday. I’m nervous to hear back on all my lab results during this month because it will determine where we go from here.If my ovarian reserve is nonexistent while taking this medication then I get sent to a specialist who can actually tell me better information and other options. But if my labs are good and it doesn’t work I get to try Clomid for 2 more months before we are sent to a specialist. So keep your fingers crossed for us this month in the hopes that it works out or provides some positive insight! Whatever the case we are ready, whether its trying this or seeing another doctor! I’m so ready for a sweet baby of my own that isn’t a fur baby lol (I’ve got two of those 🙂 ) I could have a June baby next year if this works! so exciting…

I’ll be updating this as I get more lab results probably in a few weeks!

still impatiently waiting around

Last month I got the go ahead to try Clomid on our next cycle. Of course I’m late this month (8 days and counting)….the month I’ve been waiting for, for a year and a half! Honestly, I’m not surprised that my body is doing this to me. And I’m not even that depressed about it because I suspected this would happen. So now, I’m just waiting around of course. Like always. Figured I’d update since I haven’t been on here in a long time. Not much has changed. Of course every one I know keeps announcing they are having a child. And if I see one more “my baby is the size of a chocolate chip, lime, apple, melon whatever food you choose..” I’m gonna lose my mind. Am I the only one that’s like, I don’t really care what size it is at 7 weeks???? and 8 and 9 and 10 and all throughout your entire pregnancy.

I am glad though that I’m getting a gift that most people don’t get. TIME. I get more time to complete the things I want to get done before having a child. Even though I know I could do those things WITH a child. I also feel that through this emotional experience, my husband and I cherish each other more. We just get closer each day and …i don’t know if its possible, but I love him more and more and more each day. Some people I know have spouses and they feel like they are alone. I could never feel that way with my hubby. I’m blessed to know that we are perfect for each other and I believe that we were made for each other! God knew when he made us, that we could handle this situation that we are going through know, Although sometimes it sure doesn’t feel like I’ll be able to continue on, but I know we will get through it together! And I can’t wait for the day we find out we are getting a child, whether it be me or adoption!

until next time….

heavy heart

jealousy. frustration.

 

This past weekend was pretty rough for me emotionally. I’ve been doing really well with coming to terms that I just have to wait a few more weeks (hoping my cycle comes around the projected time) to try Clomid. But you all know finding out others are pregnant can be almost devastating to someone like me who has been trying so long with no luck. Sunday morning I had a friend tell me she was pretty sure she was pregnant….they weren’t trying to have another child and aren’t really financially stable right now. Her husband isn’t happy about the news. I was okay with her telling me because I knew this would happen…..when you don’t prevent it (for most people) the odds are that you may end up with a baby, even if you don’t want one. Then later that day we attended a birthday party for our friend’s baby. I noticed she was looking different since I last saw her and then something caught my eye on the fridge….ultrasound pictures. It seems like when you want a baby so bad, you’re so good at noticing when others are pregnant even when they haven’t said a thing. I guess I’ve become more observant of pregnancy these days. I’ve become so good at putting on a fake front to cover my true feelings. After that whole day I was so emotionally overwhelmed. I have to keep telling myself to be positive and our time will come…..but sometimes it’s just so difficult ya know? Just had to let it all out instead of keeping it built up inside. My husband tries to console me and tell me he feels the same, but I can’t help but think no he doesn’t truly understand what I’m going through. To be told that I have something wrong with me (PCOS) that makes me infertile is pretty rough. I’m the cause of our infertility problems and that’s a heavy thought in my mind. I LOVE my husband SO much and he loves me and supports me through all of this, but our feelings on this topic are a tad different. He wishes he could do something to make it better so I know he has my issue on his mind a lot. We will get through this, we have each other so I know we can make it through anything. When we finally do get our baby, it’s going to be the best day of our lives and I can’t wait.

It’s okay…I know I’m different.

So I’m still waiting for my next cycle to roll around before trying Clomid…..so I haven’t had much to say! I’ve bought a few onesies recently. I know what you’re thinking…..I’m crazy considering I’m not pregnant yet, but sometimes I see onesies that are SO adorable (and could be gender neutral) that I have to buy them! I mean let’s be real….by the time I finally become pregnant, these onesies won’t exist anymore….so occasionally I buy some if I REALLY love them. Even writing this I sound crazy but I don’t care. It is totally worth it because these are just too cute. These are the first few I’ve gotten recently and I attached a picture at the bottom. My husband loves anything with planes on it so I had to buy it plus it came with the stripped ones and it was on sale…who could pass up a clearance item. The planet one is my fav. I want a baby so bad that I could care less what gender we end up with, but I’m sure you can tell which gender I lean towards……*cough cough* a boy *cough *cough (my husband and his family actually prefer a boy as well so that the family name can be carried on….no pressure here….but I know we would all love a sweet baby girl just as much). Luckily though these onesies a girl could wear too if we were to end up with one! 🙂 I just had to share a pic of these and share it with someone besides my husband!

 

(Hoping our first Clomid cycle works next month so I can put these to use in 9 months 🙂 )

 

 

Ready to take down another cycle

My husband and I are ready to take down another month together! (if i could do the fist emoji on here, I would because we are ready to kick this month’s butt).Since I can’t try Clomid until next cycle, we are taking this month a day at a time. Our plan is to not track anything for once so that we don’t have to try and time anything. We want to be stress free during this month before we get serious with Clomid. It’s kind of nice to think that I won’t have to get disappointed a million times this month with OPKs….I can just simply relax and we will try on our own. Who knows? Maybe our miracle baby will come out of this before we move on to fertility treatments. Since my glucose results I’m feeling more positive/optimistic/excited.

We sat in our nursery yesterday with our sweet puppy just hanging out for a few minutes to take it all in because sometimes I forget what it looks like up there since we rarely go upstairs. Ironically I find it so peaceful up there. I told my husband that we are sitting here now thinking man this sucks, it’s such a journey trying to attain what we want and it feels like it’s never going to happen……But I know in the future we are going to be sitting up there again with our baby saying we thought this was never going to happen and now look.

I’ve told some friends that our nursery was complete and they were shocked saying, “you already have it finished? Like a crib too?” Um…..yes….We are determined to be parents and nothing will stop us. I don’t care what anyone thinks or says about having our nursery finished/what we are having to do to become parents. Having our nursery finished before a baby is even conceived may not be right for my friends, but it’s right for us, because I know no matter what I have to do to become a mom….I’m going to do it and it’s going to happen. Decorating that nursery was one of the best things we’ve done during this entire journey so far. I got to bond with my husband! And as stated above we go up there for talks sometimes or if we are feeling down about the process. Even my sweet puppy LOVES it up there (probably because she’s not allowed in there a lot), but she loves to jump up and look in the crib (which I have the most adorable pictures of…if you saw it you’d be like I can’t even…) The reason for all of this ranting: We may need to be more selective on who we tell about our journey in the future. I could have told the wrong friend (who ended up sounding almost unsupportive and judgmental)…but then again I shouldn’t feel that way. I should be able to tell whoever….and I want to because it needs to be talked about more. A lot of people don’t even know what PCOS is, which is a bit shocking because it is so common…..but I guess if you’re like me, with few symptoms, you don’t find out about it until it matters most–when you’re trying to conceive. But infertility in general needs to be talked about! It is such a stressful/ frustrating/ emotionally exhausting thing that more people deal with than you know. I mean people around us had no idea until recently because we didn’t let it effect us around others…only behind closed doors. END rant. thanks for reading this post that was essentially unimportant with no updates 🙂

Getting the results (Clomid)..

I finally got a call back on my results! It is really great news and slightly disappointing at the same time. The nurse said that my glucose levels look great and that all my hard work is paying off.—I’m SO happy to hear that. I struggle with how I have to eat. To most people they are like….it’s just a diet….BUT to me this way of eating is extremely important in relation to my fertility. No I’m not over weight and I’ve never been, but the way I was eating 4 months ago was causing my insulin resistance to flare up and throw off my entire body. When I commit to anything, I fully commit, so eating a diet low in sugar, means eating a diet with basically almost no sugar/ low GI and only splurging occasionally. It is incredibly hard to stick to such a strict diet with no pasta, no potato, no white rice, no sweets, no white bread, no soda, ect. BUT I have accomplished it! Now if I have anything with a lot of sugar, it’s overwhelming to me and doesn’t taste good at all. Sometimes I get sad about how I have to eat but now that they’ve said it is working, I feel so much more empowered to keep doing it!

Back to my results….. so now that my glucose is under control, they asked me if I wanted to keep trying on my own or try Clomid……SERIOUSLY? what kind of question is that…..I have to get a little annoyed here because I have a PROBLEM—PCOS/insulin resistance, and if I were able to conceive on my own it would have happened over a year ago…..I’ve already told them that I’m still not ovulating correctly so why even ask me that. Basically all I said to her was we want to try Clomid. This is where it gets frustrating: They knew that I was wanting to try Clomid before I even got my blood glucose checked on Friday/ I also got AF that day….Apparently I cannot try Clomid until next cycle due to them not being able to draw my E2 and FSH levels on day 3 of my cycle—day 3 for me was Sunday so they would have drawn them yesterday because they were closed Sunday….but they didn’t offer….they said I have to wait . I’m just a little disappointed that I have to wait another month but then again I’m like I’m used to it because that’s all I do is wait/waste more time! Oh well, everything happens for a reason.I love how they have to tell me about the chance of conceiving multiples on this medication….I’m over here like I’ll take what I can get! If I had one baby or twins I’d be ecstatic that I can even conceive a child. This month I guess we will continue to try on our own for some slim chance of a miracle. I am glad though that they take labs multiple times while you’re on Clomid to check on everything….which is reassuring to me because I don’t like taking any type of medication. I know I shouldn’t be disappointed about having to wait a cycle because it could have been worse and I could have gotten results that didn’t allow me to take it. Now, I have new things to worry about—FSH levels and all that which I haven’t researched yet so I don’t even know what’s good or bad.

Now I get to stare at my 10 Clomid pills sitting on my counter waiting for me to take them next cycle 🙂

If anyone has taken Clomid, could you explain to me what the FSH levels mean? It is kinda confusing how they explained it in the email to me! Plus any advice about this medication would be great!