Tomorrow is the day I’ve been waiting for. It isn’t surprising AF hasn’t arrived yet as I am never on a regular schedule due to my PCOS. Since taking Clomid and finding out I had ovulated during this cycle, my doctor told me if I didn’t start my period by CD 36 to take a test and call them with the results. I’m so nervous. I know it is most likely going to be negative like always, and I’m trying to prepare myself, but I know I’ll be more upset about this cycle if it is negative than I have been with all the other the negatives this past year and a half. I’ve had a symptom of sore breasts and they feel different, like slightly fuller. My husband said he could tell a difference… sorry if its TMI lol. But then again it could just be AF coming, who knows. It may take me awhile to write another post if I get a negative. I’ll need some time to process everything. I’ll update soon.. Keeping my fingers crossed.
trying to conceive
Playing that waiting game
So I have great news. I finally got results back from my progesterone lab. They told me that my levels were consistent with ovulation and now I have to wait until CD 36 if I don’t get AF and take a test on that day. So keep your fingers crossed that this may have worked! If not I’m ready for the next round because I now know that I actually ovulated.
I needed to hear this..
I FINALLY ovulated on CD 18 according to my OPKs….we are keeping our fingers crossed. Its only our first try with Clomid so if we fail I won’t be terribly upset. I also got the call from my doctors that my first two weeks of labs looked great so this is a good feeling for me. I happened upon a link to a blog post,and it was exactly what I needed to hear! I hope the person doesn’t mind that I’m going to include their link in my post, but it came at the right time for me to read it when I was feeling down this weekend. I feel like it will help you too see the positivity in infertility.
unsure
I took the Clomid days 5-9. I’m now on day CD13. I take the OPK tests that show a circle with nothing in it= low fertility; A flashing smiley face= High fertility and a solid smiley face means peak fertility.
I have gotten 5 flashing smiley faces so far for the past five days which I’m not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing. I’m starting to think I’m never going to get the solid smiley and if I do it will be too late in my cycle to count. Who knows. I just can’t wait until they finally call me about my labs so far to give me a glimpse of where this is heading —-> possibly a fertility specialist???, which part of me is fine with because at least they can tell me where exactly my body malfunctions…. but then it is just more added time to our wait.
Since I have gotten a flashing smiley today for the fifth time, I’ve lost some hope for myself. Hoping my next post may be a bit more positive..
Clomid CD7
I started taking Clomid on Sunday, and I’ve now taken it for 3 days…I have 2 left! I must say the hot flashes are unreal. Seriously, I’m always cold and sleep with two blankets, but since being on this medication, I get hot flashes at the most random times. I didn’t feel too great yesterday. I felt nauseous all day, not sure why…maybe I was still getting used to the meds. So far, I’m doing better today. I have read people say they had horrible mood swings…I don’t think I have, but you’d have to check with my husband on that one!lol We are SO hopeful this will work this month! Our anniversary is in the beginning of October so it would be the perfect gift.. But I’m trying to not get to excited. Just seeing how it goes and if we have to try something different ..I’m ready to do that! 🙂
finally…clomid!
Of course when I complained about AF being super late she decided to appear yesterday! Who ever thought a girl would be excited about that! Now starts all the labs and tracking all over again. It was nice to have last month off from tracking anything before our endeavor on the Clomid journey. But I feel that after trying for a year and a half, knowing about my PCOS for 4 months now, being on metformin for 4/5 months already….We are FINALLY able to try Clomid this cycle and I want to be excited but then again I don’t. I’m supposed to start taking it Saturday. I’m nervous to hear back on all my lab results during this month because it will determine where we go from here.If my ovarian reserve is nonexistent while taking this medication then I get sent to a specialist who can actually tell me better information and other options. But if my labs are good and it doesn’t work I get to try Clomid for 2 more months before we are sent to a specialist. So keep your fingers crossed for us this month in the hopes that it works out or provides some positive insight! Whatever the case we are ready, whether its trying this or seeing another doctor! I’m so ready for a sweet baby of my own that isn’t a fur baby lol (I’ve got two of those 🙂 ) I could have a June baby next year if this works! so exciting…
I’ll be updating this as I get more lab results probably in a few weeks!
still impatiently waiting around
Last month I got the go ahead to try Clomid on our next cycle. Of course I’m late this month (8 days and counting)….the month I’ve been waiting for, for a year and a half! Honestly, I’m not surprised that my body is doing this to me. And I’m not even that depressed about it because I suspected this would happen. So now, I’m just waiting around of course. Like always. Figured I’d update since I haven’t been on here in a long time. Not much has changed. Of course every one I know keeps announcing they are having a child. And if I see one more “my baby is the size of a chocolate chip, lime, apple, melon whatever food you choose..” I’m gonna lose my mind. Am I the only one that’s like, I don’t really care what size it is at 7 weeks???? and 8 and 9 and 10 and all throughout your entire pregnancy.
I am glad though that I’m getting a gift that most people don’t get. TIME. I get more time to complete the things I want to get done before having a child. Even though I know I could do those things WITH a child. I also feel that through this emotional experience, my husband and I cherish each other more. We just get closer each day and …i don’t know if its possible, but I love him more and more and more each day. Some people I know have spouses and they feel like they are alone. I could never feel that way with my hubby. I’m blessed to know that we are perfect for each other and I believe that we were made for each other! God knew when he made us, that we could handle this situation that we are going through know, Although sometimes it sure doesn’t feel like I’ll be able to continue on, but I know we will get through it together! And I can’t wait for the day we find out we are getting a child, whether it be me or adoption!
until next time….
heavy heart
jealousy. frustration.
This past weekend was pretty rough for me emotionally. I’ve been doing really well with coming to terms that I just have to wait a few more weeks (hoping my cycle comes around the projected time) to try Clomid. But you all know finding out others are pregnant can be almost devastating to someone like me who has been trying so long with no luck. Sunday morning I had a friend tell me she was pretty sure she was pregnant….they weren’t trying to have another child and aren’t really financially stable right now. Her husband isn’t happy about the news. I was okay with her telling me because I knew this would happen…..when you don’t prevent it (for most people) the odds are that you may end up with a baby, even if you don’t want one. Then later that day we attended a birthday party for our friend’s baby. I noticed she was looking different since I last saw her and then something caught my eye on the fridge….ultrasound pictures. It seems like when you want a baby so bad, you’re so good at noticing when others are pregnant even when they haven’t said a thing. I guess I’ve become more observant of pregnancy these days. I’ve become so good at putting on a fake front to cover my true feelings. After that whole day I was so emotionally overwhelmed. I have to keep telling myself to be positive and our time will come…..but sometimes it’s just so difficult ya know? Just had to let it all out instead of keeping it built up inside. My husband tries to console me and tell me he feels the same, but I can’t help but think no he doesn’t truly understand what I’m going through. To be told that I have something wrong with me (PCOS) that makes me infertile is pretty rough. I’m the cause of our infertility problems and that’s a heavy thought in my mind. I LOVE my husband SO much and he loves me and supports me through all of this, but our feelings on this topic are a tad different. He wishes he could do something to make it better so I know he has my issue on his mind a lot. We will get through this, we have each other so I know we can make it through anything. When we finally do get our baby, it’s going to be the best day of our lives and I can’t wait.
It’s okay…I know I’m different.
So I’m still waiting for my next cycle to roll around before trying Clomid…..so I haven’t had much to say! I’ve bought a few onesies recently. I know what you’re thinking…..I’m crazy considering I’m not pregnant yet, but sometimes I see onesies that are SO adorable (and could be gender neutral) that I have to buy them! I mean let’s be real….by the time I finally become pregnant, these onesies won’t exist anymore….so occasionally I buy some if I REALLY love them. Even writing this I sound crazy but I don’t care. It is totally worth it because these are just too cute. These are the first few I’ve gotten recently and I attached a picture at the bottom. My husband loves anything with planes on it so I had to buy it plus it came with the stripped ones and it was on sale…who could pass up a clearance item. The planet one is my fav. I want a baby so bad that I could care less what gender we end up with, but I’m sure you can tell which gender I lean towards……*cough cough* a boy *cough *cough (my husband and his family actually prefer a boy as well so that the family name can be carried on….no pressure here….but I know we would all love a sweet baby girl just as much). Luckily though these onesies a girl could wear too if we were to end up with one! 🙂 I just had to share a pic of these and share it with someone besides my husband!
(Hoping our first Clomid cycle works next month so I can put these to use in 9 months 🙂 )
Ready to take down another cycle
My husband and I are ready to take down another month together! (if i could do the fist emoji on here, I would because we are ready to kick this month’s butt).Since I can’t try Clomid until next cycle, we are taking this month a day at a time. Our plan is to not track anything for once so that we don’t have to try and time anything. We want to be stress free during this month before we get serious with Clomid. It’s kind of nice to think that I won’t have to get disappointed a million times this month with OPKs….I can just simply relax and we will try on our own. Who knows? Maybe our miracle baby will come out of this before we move on to fertility treatments. Since my glucose results I’m feeling more positive/optimistic/excited.
We sat in our nursery yesterday with our sweet puppy just hanging out for a few minutes to take it all in because sometimes I forget what it looks like up there since we rarely go upstairs. Ironically I find it so peaceful up there. I told my husband that we are sitting here now thinking man this sucks, it’s such a journey trying to attain what we want and it feels like it’s never going to happen……But I know in the future we are going to be sitting up there again with our baby saying we thought this was never going to happen and now look.
I’ve told some friends that our nursery was complete and they were shocked saying, “you already have it finished? Like a crib too?” Um…..yes….We are determined to be parents and nothing will stop us. I don’t care what anyone thinks or says about having our nursery finished/what we are having to do to become parents. Having our nursery finished before a baby is even conceived may not be right for my friends, but it’s right for us, because I know no matter what I have to do to become a mom….I’m going to do it and it’s going to happen. Decorating that nursery was one of the best things we’ve done during this entire journey so far. I got to bond with my husband! And as stated above we go up there for talks sometimes or if we are feeling down about the process. Even my sweet puppy LOVES it up there (probably because she’s not allowed in there a lot), but she loves to jump up and look in the crib (which I have the most adorable pictures of…if you saw it you’d be like I can’t even…) The reason for all of this ranting: We may need to be more selective on who we tell about our journey in the future. I could have told the wrong friend (who ended up sounding almost unsupportive and judgmental)…but then again I shouldn’t feel that way. I should be able to tell whoever….and I want to because it needs to be talked about more. A lot of people don’t even know what PCOS is, which is a bit shocking because it is so common…..but I guess if you’re like me, with few symptoms, you don’t find out about it until it matters most–when you’re trying to conceive. But infertility in general needs to be talked about! It is such a stressful/ frustrating/ emotionally exhausting thing that more people deal with than you know. I mean people around us had no idea until recently because we didn’t let it effect us around others…only behind closed doors. END rant. thanks for reading this post that was essentially unimportant with no updates 🙂
ourjourneywithpcos 